So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
