You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
