Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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