Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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