Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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