So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
