I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am one with the molecules
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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