Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
