i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
