he wants to bone in the snuggie
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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