called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
