party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
