I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We got so high we made milksteak
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
