I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
