spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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