Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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