Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
