I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
