So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
