Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
