How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
