"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
