Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
