WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
