she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
