Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
