U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
