ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
