man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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