it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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