i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
