i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i out mim tonsoeep
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