May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
