I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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