Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Too much gin, very little bucket
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
