Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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