the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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