the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
