i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
