Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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