I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
