but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize