I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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