forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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