I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
