ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
