There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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