she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
