so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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