? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
