also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
