I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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