kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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