i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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