My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
