you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This baby is an asshole
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
