mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
