; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
