My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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