highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
