Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fuck appropriateness.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
