he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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