Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
