Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
