i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
