Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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